2018 OFFSEASON DRUNKEN RANT
Cincinnati Bengals 2017 Record: 7-9
CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.
I’m still trying to find the silver lining in this orange and black striped shit-storm cloud that hangs over the city I love.
I listened to Marvin’s presser hoping to hear some real, tangible, rock solid ideas on how this is going to be better.
How this is somehow going to be different than what we’ve seen for 15 fucking agonizing years and apparently Dave Lapham did, too. After hearing Marvin explain how he feels he’s a better coach today (7-9) than he was in 2003 (8-8) and how they need to make some changes to get the job (win a Super Bowl) done, Lap asked:
“What are you going to change to get that job done?” – Dave Lapham
The answer was so typical fucking Marvin it makes me sick:
“I can’t tell ya.” – Marvin Lewis
You can’t tell us or you don’t know? Which one is it?
You’re an asshole to the media, you clearly don’t give a shit about what the fans think and I am sick and fucking tired of the way you carry yourself.
How the fuck can a guy with a winning percentage just above .500 and zero playoff wins in seven attempts think he can talk down to us? Where do you get off?
Get the fuck out of here.
As for the rest of the presser, there were a few things said that were noteworthy, mostly that the team has parted way with Paul Alexander, they “need to do a better job of adding guys from other clubs” and they’re “not going to wait” for Paul Guenther to begin their search for a new Defensive Coordinator.
This is shit we’ve all heard before and nothing changed then, either.
Don’t be fooled, Bengals fans.
— Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) January 2, 2018
If that press conference was meant to instill hope in the fan base; they failed miserably. How the fuck do you expect fans to get on board with this?
How can you look into the eyes of a Bengals fan after a decade and a half of zero fucking results, that the next two spoon-fulls of shit will taste better?
I want to be excited about this team.
I really, really, do.
There are few things on this fucking planet that I want more than for the Cincinnati Bengals to be a championship team.
I have stood in the rain and snow for them. I’ve come back year after year with renewed hope. I’ve given them my precious time and money and I want to believe that my undying loyalty will one day be repaid, but I’m having a real hard time right now.
I’m a die-hard Bengals fan for life, drunkenly trudging through the darkest timeline.
Keep in mind, this isn’t Marvin’s fault, this is Mike Brown’s fault.
I am so fucking tired of hearing people say that Mike Brown wants “nothing more than to win a Super Bowl”.
No he fucking doesn’t.
If Mikey wanted “nothing more” than to win a championship, he’d pry his fucking wallet away from his flabby cellulite-ridden ass and peel off a few wet singles to pay for the best coaches available. He’d pay for the best facilities and the best free agents. Jerry Jones may be (and is) a fucking joke, but you can’t deny that guy is fully invested in making his team as good as it can be.
I know that private jets and indoor practice facilities don’t make tackles and catch touchdowns, but they do entice free agents and it makes it at least look like you’re trying your best to the fans.
So accurate it hurts.. ? pic.twitter.com/LTOsoJSnRK
— Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) January 4, 2018
Grab your umbrellas, Bengals fans; Mike Brown is the aforementioned shit-cloud that hangs over this entire fan base and the forecast calls for two more years of the same fucking thing.
— The Jungler (@thecincyjungler) January 2, 2018
Look for more Drunken Bengals Postgame Rants All Season From THE JUNGLER and follow his NEW account on Twitter @TheCincyJUNGLER