'Near Mutiny' Forced Marvin Lewis To Fire Zampese

Friday Morning Hangover

As Cincinnati Bengals fans wake up this morning to their anger and hard liquor fueled hangovers, you have to pinch yourself to make sure that dumpster fire of a game wasn’t all just a dream.

Unfortunately Who Dey nation it is as real as it gets. Last night we witnessed another atrocious loss at the hands of our southern foes the Houston Texans. A team that at the start of the game had 20 players on IR, not to mention Watt’s broken finger or the rookie quarterback. The Texans are about as beaten up as you can get, but still Marvin and company have a few tricks up their sleeve to deny us a prime time win.

Heads Will Roll, But Who?

Now a lot of fans have been calling for Marvin’s head on a damn stake. Others want to see the Red Rifle put back into the gun cabinet, and fire a couple rounds with our shiny barely used McCarron model. While these things may be true, I am not here to talk about that.

The real problem with the Cincinnati Bengals is that bland ass poor excuse of an offensive coordinator Mr. Ken Zampese. This dude is the vanilla pudding of OC’s in the league.

His playbook is so terrible I’d bet it is just a sheet of construction paper with 3 plays on it written in dull crayon. Run up the middle, run up the middle, short pass/or screen to the RB, 4th down punt. Thank god we went all out and got a great punter in Kevin Huber, because we had to rely on his 7 punts to keep them away from our end zone.

Offense Is Struggling HARD

The Bengals are the first team to fail to score a touchdown in their first 2 games since the 1939 Eagles. That really speaks to the level of play that is going on here in the Queen City. Andy Dalton is terrible under pressure, we all know this it is nothing new. Yes losing our 2 best offensive linemen in the off season really hurt us, but if you are not going to go out and get someone that can actually block then the plays need to be adjusted to get Dalton back off that line of scrimmage.

Cincinnati has the weapons, and currently they are being underutilized. AJ Green is a freak athlete, Tyler Eifert can catch anything thrown at him( just hopefully he can keep his feet in-bounds before he catches it) Brandon Lafell has the moves to juke out of coverage and get open. The 2017 1st round draft pick John Ross, Yes he was coming off an injury and yes he did fumble on that jet sweep, but he was thrown to a whopping 0 times. The man is faster than a cheetah on roller skates, and it baffles me why Zampese wouldn’t just send him on a streak down the sideline to see if he could beat out the defender.

Blame Andy All You Want, But It’s Mostly Zampese

By far the best the offense looked was the drive directly after Deshaun Watson’s TD run. 50 seconds on the clock, they have Dalton lined up in the shotgun, away from the terror that is Watt and Clowney. 3 consecutive completions to Eifert and Erickson looks like a promising drive, only to be nulled out by Dalton throwing the ball away twice and bringing in old cheeseburger Randy Bullock to kick in the 3 points.

While all this is going on you look to the side line and you see Zamp standing there with a glazed over look and it makes me seriously wonder if he actually has any idea how to run this offense. Sure he might have been a decent quarterbacks coach but this boring basic offense is way too easy for opposing teams to read. Hopefully the Bengals can learn how to generate some offense here soon, as next week they are headed up north to Lambeau Field to face the Packers were they are sure to find another tough match up.

9/15 Update: Holy Sh*t, They Actually Fired Him

Well I sh*t you not, barely 2 hours after I finished writing this article I received the good news.

pic.twitter.com/CSTHxvL97K

— Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) September 15, 2017

Seems the Holy Gods of Football had been listening to our cries for help. The Cincinnati Bengals have fired offensive coordinator Ken Zampese.

I don’t anticipate anyone will be sad to see him go either. In his place the Bengals have promoted quarterbacks coach Bill Lazor to head our offense. This seems to be a step in the right direction for this team and hopefully Bill can help pull us out of this mess we are in… or at least get a touchdown for Christ sake.

But it begs the question – was Zampese the only head to roll this season? Or is this just the appetizer accompanying the main course being served later in the season: