GAME 6 DRUNKEN RANT
Cincinnati Bengals (2-3) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (4-2)
CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.
/start rant
Wow.
What a shitty weekend for Cincinnati Sports fans.
The UC Bearcats lose a football game in the most Cincinnati Bengals way ever, FC Cincinnati played their least interesting match thus far and quietly exited the playoffs in the first round (as is Cincinnati tradition) and naturally – the Bengals forgot that there are four quarters in a football game when playing the rival Steelers.
The unholy cry-fecta is complete.
Well that's the most Cincinnati way to lose a game in overtime ever. ? #Bearcats #CardiacCats
— Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) October 21, 2017
Why did I hitch my horse to these shit-wagons?
Sigh.
Alright, let’s get this over with…
For all the love that Lazor has received since taking the reins of the offense, he really fucked up the end of the second quarter and the entirety of the second half. It appeared that we were saddling up for a shootout, with the Bengals moving the ball against the Steelers with relative ease. All signs were pointed towards going into the half down three (14-17), then we could come out in the second half and start off with the ball. Sure, I could’ve lived with that, but that’s not what fucking happened at all.
The Bengals get the ball back with less than two minutes to go and they run two failed screens to Gio and then ran it up the middle, again, with Gio.
Punt.
Steelers drive and kick a field goal before the end of the half. That shit is absolutely inexcusable.
It’s that kind of non-aggressive bullfuck that allows the other team to gain confidence and momentum (not to mention points) while you’re left on the sideline with your thumb up your ass.
Then the second half happened…
The Final Seven Bengals possessions:
? Five 3-and-outs
? Four sacks
? Four completions
? Two interceptions
? One first down
? 20 Net yards— Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) October 22, 2017
What in the holy hell was going on there!? This is the same exact shit we ran Ken Zampese out of town for.
How do you play an entire half of football without getting the ball into the hands of AJ Green or Joe Mixon? Are you fucking serious? Zero touches for those two in the second half.
We’ve heard AJ speak up about not getting looks, now Mixon is chiming in:
“I felt like Bell got the ball 35 times. I get it 7. All in the first half, then don’t touch the ball again. Jeremy got one touch in the second half. It was frustrating to us running backs.”
Yeah, well if it makes you feel any better, Joe – it’s pretty fucking frustrating for the fans, too.
It can’t be that hard.. FEED. YOUR. PLAYMAKERS.
Perhaps, though, the most frustrating and unfuckingbelievable moment came with the last two possessions of the game.
Pittsburgh has the ball and comes out of the 2 minute warning with three straight knees. The Bengals get the ball with 38 seconds left and take a fucking knee, too. Has that ever fucking happened before? Remember that non-aggressive bullfuckery I mentioned earlier?
This is just…wow.
I know you’re not going to win the game with 38 seconds left, down two scores, but come on. Do you really have to just lay down like that on national TV? What a sham. What an embarrassment. I want an explanation. I demand one.
The defense had their hand in baking this shit-cake, of course.
Zero sacks, zero interceptions, zero forced fumbles.
I don’t feel like digging into the stats, but how many times did they miss a tackle on Le’veon Bell? I mean – I understand that the dude is one of the best backs in the league, but that arm tackling bullshit was triggering flashbacks to the fucking Chuck Bresnahan days. Where the hell was the defensive line?
I can tell you where they weren’t; in the Steelers backfield.
Did we just get exposed? Were they just feasting on shitty offensive lines? Is the Steelers line really that good?
This is worrisome.
Nope. I’m not even going to get into the “Red Rocket” throwing the ball away on 4th down.
But what else… how’d you like that 44 yard fucking fake punt? Of course a fake punt is going to work against the Bengals. I never tire of seeing Bengals on the wrong end of highlight plays.
Speaking of highlight plays, what about Dre Kirkpatrick getting stiff-armed into next fucking week? That play alone embodies the Bengals-Steelers “rivalry”. Zero Bengals wins in the last 4 attempts. One win in the last 8.
At least Will Jax III had a good game against Antonio Brown:
/end rant
Look for more Drunken Bengals Postgame Rants All Season From THE JUNGLER
