Week 8 Rant: The Win That Felt Like A Loss

GAME 7 DRUNKEN RANT
Indianapolis Colts (2-5) @ Cincinnati Bengals (2-4)

CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.

/start rant

We won? Because somehow it feels like a loss.

But seriously..

This has got to be the most f*cking boring game of the weekend to talk about.

Why the f*ck would I waste my time to talk about this colossal turd when we have such a historic World Series going on? What narrative is there to talk about that hasn’t already been beaten into the dirt as much as Andy Dalton’s face?

It’s the same sh*t that’s been going on all year. The Bengals offensive line sucks d*cks by the handful, which means they can’t run the ball, which ultimately means that they can’t pass the ball, because defensive linemen are too busy making sweet love to the ear hole in Andy’s helmet.

You have Green, Andy and Mixon talking about the woes of the line; if the Bengals won’t listen to your three best offensive players, who will they listen to? Some drunk, angry blogger? I’ve certainly let my opinions be known from sections 102 and 116 over the years, so maybe.

Know what sucks even more?

The front office won’t (and didn’t) do anything at the trade deadline to address this glaring problem.

I f*cking swear, being a Bengals fan at the trade deadline is like being a Jewish kid on Christmas; it’s just not for you, but at least you get to watch the other kids (see Eagles fans) open their presents. They can’t even f*ck up f*cking up the trade deadline properly, this time they had to call in some backup. Apparently the Bengals and Browns had a trade worked out for AJ McCarron and the Browns failed to get the paperwork in on time.

That has got to be simultaneously the most Bengals and Browns thing ever.

There needs to be a Netflix Documentary on how this Browns/Bengals trade never happen–I've never heard of this in over 35 years in NFL

— Michael Lombardi (@mlombardiNFL) November 1, 2017

I can only hope that Hue is scuttling that sh*t barge to the bottom of the burning river so they’ll fire him, then he can come back to Cincinnati and finish off ruining this team too.

Do you feel any iota of optimism after that game? We are seven games into this season and not only has this offensive line not progressed, they’ve actually gotten worse.

The Bengals favorite play on 3rd Down: Sack for a 10 yard loss

— Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) October 29, 2017

They’re going to trudge through the rest of this season, maybe win a few more games, and go through free agency, again, without doing a f*cking thing. They’ll draft a few offensive linemen that will graduate with honors from Paul Alexander’s School for Children Who Can’t Block Good and Want To Do Other Bad Stuff Too, then we’ll march their dumb asses out there against teams like Pittsburgh who will kick their ass and steal their girlfriends; thus renewing the never-ending cycle of f*ckwaddery and the ‘little brother’ complex.

At some point you have to start blaming the teachers for students who underachieve and that point has come and gone. It’s not just Marvin, it’s the whole f*cking staff, including the offensive line coach. Paul Alexander has only had success because of the offensive line talent that has fell into his lap. How is it f*cking possible that we haven’t had a decent center since Richie Braham? How in the ever loving f*ck is Nick Mangold sitting on the couch while we keep rolling out Russell Bodine?

You put a JUGS machine at center between a couple of tackling sleds and we’d be better off than with the line we have now.

Look at the last 10 years of offensive linemen that we’ve drafted and tell me I’m wrong. He can’t even “coach up” a first and second rounder to be remotely serviceable. That’s on the coach, the teacher, and school’s f*ckin’ out, Paul.