Week 13 Rant: Are We Having Fun Yet?

POST-GAME DRUNKEN RANT
Cincinnati Bengals (5-6) vs Denver Broncos (5-6)

CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.

Absolutely heartbreaking https://t.co/OXwOH0V7x8

— Cincinnati ? (@CincyProblems) December 2, 2018

/start rant

If the Bengals fall in The Jungle and no one is around to see it, does it make a sound?

Another Sunday, another loss, another week of banging the same goddamn drum.

The Bengals looked unprepared, uninterested and generally confused; tell me if you’ve heard that before. What a boring and sloppy game, particularly by the offense.

Did you get the feeling that they were in 3rd and fucking forever all day? It’s more than just a feeling, the Bengals found themselves in 3rd and 16, 25, 24, 29, 35, 11, 17, 13 and 15 on Sunday. They also had two offensive drives of negative yards (-21 and -7), which is just delightful. So, it looks like Jeff Driskel sucks. That was the shortest fucking quarterback controversy ever.

In his defense, though, damn near everyone around him sucks, too. Bobby Hart laced up the skates to receive another ass kicking. Anybody catch that on tape? Seems to be the only way the NFL will do anything when one of their players is involved in a beating.

I totally called that Andre Smith signing. Kobe!

The defense played, arguably, their best half of football on Sunday. Unfortunately, a complete game is comprised of two halves. Vontaze Burfict made one of the hardest hits of the season, then went into concussion protocol.

Yeah, that’s about right.

Other than that, Phillip Lindsay (19 carries, 157 yards and 2 TDs) and his beautiful hair ran up and down the field with little protest from the Bengals Defense. This year alone, the defense has given up 4 games of 200+ rushing yards and only once held an opposing offense to under 300 yards of total offense (297 against the Dolphins).

Yeah, eat shit Teryl Austin! What a fucking joke.

Marvin Lewis delivered another press conference gem.

From Marvin’s Monday afternoon press conference transcript:

Last week you couldn’t remember what happened during the game, now you can’t remember to ask the medical staff about your best fucking player? You and Urban Meyer on the same medication? Hopefully you have the same employment status by the middle of January.

Clearly Marvin doesn’t give a fuck anymore and that’s the one thing we have in common. I’m tired of your shit attitude toward the local media and the fans. Does it look like we’re having a good time, either?

The stadium is half full and our hearts are completely empty; we don’t need you shitting down our throats on top of it. Kick rocks, man.

Oh and fuck you too College Football Playoff rankings.

Are you seriously going to keep a Bearcats team that went 10-2, lost only at Temple in OT and at No. 8 UCF, was ranked two weeks ago right before that UCF loss and kicked the shit out of ECU the week after; out of the Top 25?

I invite you to kiss my ass.